Jokes and Riddles

Crossing the meadow is free, but the bull charges!

Why can't you tell secrets on a farm?

Because the corn has ears.

Why did the cabbage win the race?

Because it was ahead.

What do you call a horse that lives next door?

A neigh-bor.

Why do cows like jokes?

Because they like to be amoosed.

What's a sheep’s favourite game?

Baaadminton.

What do you call a cow you can't see?

Camooflaged.

What did mama cow say to the calf?

It's pasture bedtime.

Why did the scarecrow get promoted?

Because he was outstanding in his field.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

What's the worst kind of weather for rats and mice?

When it's raining cats and dogs.

What's the difference between Joan of Arc and Noah's Ark?

Noah's Ark is made of wood, but Joan of Arc was Maid of Orleans.

Why did the frankfurter turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing. 

Why is 10 afraid of 7?

Because 7 - 8 - 9.

A cabbage, a tap and a tomato had a race. How did it go?

The cabbage was ahead, the tap was running, and the tomato tried to ketchup.

Who's the biggest: Mr Bigger, Mrs Bigger or Baby Bigger?

Baby Bigger, because he's just a little Bigger.

Two nuns are travelling through Transylvania in their car. All of a sudden, a vampire appears in front of the car. The driver whispers to her companion: "Show him your cross." The nun leans out and shouts "Get out of the way, you toothy git!"

What's the difference...?

What’s the difference between an Italian barber and an angry circus ringmaster?

One is a shaving Roman and the other’s a raving showman.

What’s the difference between a stripper and a cocktail waitress?

About two weeks.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

One has claws at the end of its paws, the other has a pause at the end of its clause.

What’s the difference between God and a social worker?

God doesn’t pretend to be a social worker.

What’s the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

What’s the difference between a man and a computer?

You only have to tell the computer once.

What’s the difference between the mafia and the government?

One of them is organized.

What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a dog?

Santa Claus wears a suit and the dog just pants.

What’s the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

What’s the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?

The amateur says ‘Give me all your money!’, the professional says ‘Sign here, please.’

What’s the difference between the English football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

What’s the difference between a fisherman and a lazy schoolboy?

One baits his hook, the other hates his book.